Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
