literally had 100 drinks last night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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