honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
