I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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