He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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