when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
