My liver just broke up with me...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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