Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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