Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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