I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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