I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
