He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dick very happy bro
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
