3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
pray to the hookup gods
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
