I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
