"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
