i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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