How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
