i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
