Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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