Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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