my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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