You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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