he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
