guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
