It's Friday. Sex?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
