It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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