when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't deserve a penis
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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