Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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