I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
