im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
