My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
