walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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