I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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