I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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