So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.