You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2