we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
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Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.