i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
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just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today