He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
