census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
