is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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