i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
