If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
