Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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