I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
