trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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