my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
