my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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