Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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