i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
