i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
