I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
