Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
