You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i have two assholes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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