holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
