I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
