So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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