Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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