haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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