I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
