and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
