Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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