There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
