I got chris browned last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
