Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
