Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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