A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry my hands just texted you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
