Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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