garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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