I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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