capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
