I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
