I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just googled if crying burns calories
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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