You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your cock deserves a montage
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
