the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
