Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
