Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
