this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
