Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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