Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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