You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
