just come out here and I will go home with you...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
