I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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