I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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