Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
