Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's official drugs can't kill me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A bitchslap is in order.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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